She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
