I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
