So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
