I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
