My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
