i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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