This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
