she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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