he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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