I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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