And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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