my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
