Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
