Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
