this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
