so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have feelings that need drinking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize