Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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