i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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