I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
