When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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