69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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