Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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