why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
