I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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