I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
