I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
