my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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