i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
