my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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