so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
