I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
