Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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