i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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