That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
