What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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