I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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