She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
