somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
