I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize