It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just high enough for therapy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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