Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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