I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
