Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
