I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
