The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
