does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
