worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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