No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He kissed a someone with a penis
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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