Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
