Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
