So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize