he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
