If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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