I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
