He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
