I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
