she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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