I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
