My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
