You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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