So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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