I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
