The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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