i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
