Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
