you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
