very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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