11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
