everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
