I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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