I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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