Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
