I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
