God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Let's get the cat blown out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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